Tess of the D'urbervilles - Part 2 - BBC miniseries 2008

This morning I decided whether or not to have a second cup of tea. if i were the queen of England i would have two. maybe even three.


I have been meaning to watch Part 2 again for ages...


(Tess of the D'urbervilles - Part 1)


*after the wedding* 
ANGELCLARE: just thought i'd take rooms in your old ancestoral palace for a couple of days. remember, the place where you were employed as a servant and then raped? 
TESS: thanks honeybun, what a nice surprise. oh! diamonds! hells, i look hot 


why did i decide to watch the second half of Tess this morning? I know what happens - and what a horrible way to start the day!


ANGELCLARE: you are fit. 
TESS: let's sex it up. 
SERVANT: just bringing ye news that someone's died. 
TESS: can't you knock first? 
SERVANT: ruins the moment


(Tess of the D'urbervillles - Part 2)


ANGELCLARE: i have to tell you something: i absolutely hate deception and impurity but let me tell you about this 48hr long affair of "abject dissipation". 
TESS: but that is wonderful news! now I can tell you about being raped. 
ANGELCLARE: you whore! 


 "i am a peasant by position, not by nature" (tess=1)


(Tess of the D'urbervilles - Part 3)


ANGELCLARE: I'll send her off in the post cart. that'd be the noble thing to do. 
TESS: I'll go home to me folks, they'll look after me. 
TESS'MUM: oh! my married daughter! really married this time. 
TESS: um... 
TESS'DAD: *is drunk* 
TESS: guess it's the workhouse for me then 


(Tess of the D'urbervilles - Part 4)


ANGEL'SPARENTS: so you married a dairy girl. we couldn't make the wedding - you understand of course. is she super pretty and virtuous. 
ANGELCLARE: um. 
ANGEL'SPARENTS: now i will read you a passage from the bible about being virtuous. 
ANGELCLARE: *is tormented* why is this story so damned self-referential? 


TESS'DAD: *drinks* 
ROOF: *leaks* 
TESS'MUM: *carries the pig across the yard* 
TESS: cor.


ANGELCLARE: *invites another girl to go with him to Brazil*
GIRL: *goes and gets her things really quickly (bc he's really fit)*
ANGELCLARE: *changes mind* 
GIRL: you mean we're not going?
ANGELCLARE: I am a mess of indecision!


TESS goes to see ANGEL'S PARENTS and on the way she finds ALEC D'URBERVILLE has become an evangelist. 


ALEC: I have given up worldly things. 
TESS: I don't believe you. 
ALEC: you are so hot when you're angry.


TESS: *goes back to the workhouse*
ALEC: *arrives on a white stallion*
TESS: you make me very very angry
ALEC: and you make me very very horny. let's get married.
TESS: after you raped me, abandoned me, made me bear your child and subsequently caused my husband to leave me? 
ALEC: well I do have bigger balls than this horse.


TESS: *finally writes to ANGELCLARE* if you don't come I'll totally marry this other guy
ALEC: *lurks on the horizon on his big white horse*
ANGELCLARE: *festers infectedly in a brazilian hospital*


ALEC: the way to Tess' heart is to bribe the bailiff to give me some alone time with her
TESS: I should have become an alcoholic, it'd make this so much easier.
ALEC: *smokes* I'm no longer into religion - you're too fit and I like the hedonistic lifestyle too much. 
ALEC: Anyway, this workhouse is bringing you down (kind of like I did) and even though I get so ANGRY around you, I also find you kind of hot and am therefore comfortable oscillating between overwhelmed adoration and vicious demands for your obedience. After all, you made me give up the priesthood - which means you are to blame for EVERYTHING.


ALEC: I can give your family so much if you just show me some kindness. 
TESS: I know what you mean by that, sir!


ANGELCLARE returns to the village (he is a sickly and brooding young man) 
ANGELCLARE: *tracks down TESS* 
TESS: *looks quite the ladydoll* too late, pretty boy. my "husband" is upstairs, in bed, waiting for me. I am his creature. we have sex all the time. 
ANGELCLARE: cor *leaves* 
TESS: *calls after him* not that I enjoy it! 
ALEC: I am clearly a dissolute creature, lounging in bed like this with me glass of wine. 
TESS: *stabs him violently* 
BLOOD: *drips through the ceiling into landlady's breakfast*
MUSIC: *intensifies*


*on railway platform*
TESS: I've murdered him, Angel, can you love me now that he's dead? 
ANGEL: *thinks* sure! we can go to America!


Part The End


TESS: we have no where left to go, the best thing (symbolically) for us to do is sleep under stone henge and I shall make you promise to marry my sister. 
POLICE: *approaches*
PLOT: *happens*
POLICE: this is a Thomas Hardy novel, right? bc what with you being symbolic and all, we will have to arrest your wife bc, remember she murdered that guy?
ANGEL: she's on that stone altar over there
POLICE: subtle. like A S Byatt.
TESS: i have clearly had too many good times in my life. 
ANGEL: why does this book always end so fast?
TESS'SISTER: *appears out of nowhere and holds his hand* 
TESS: *in jail*
ANGEL: i was a rubbish husband, wasn't I.
CREDITS: *roll*